i dono wat the hell is wrong wif this whole damn ting..every single thing is gg wrong..i like kena hated by people coz im nt doin a proper job and coz im wastin ur tyme..im so sry..its nt like i wan to..stop givin me all ur attitude and nasty words..do u tink i feel good bout it? do u tink by sayin tat ur r helpin me? we r suppose to be a team but now wat? all ur cn do is to giv me extra workloads and ur don care do u? i ask ur to do ur tings and i said ur hav to giv me by mon..nw is tues endin and i recieved nth..when i ask ur, ur cn stil shout at me sayin ur r busy..thn arent i? im oso a person..i got my limits as well, pls don tink tat wat i ask ur to do r nt impt..but i guess it aint gg to make a diff..ur wont care..
im forever the extra person..im alone in this world..i really rather nt be born...this wil be beta than havin to walk down the road alone, wif no one thr for u..wif no one hu gives a damn bout u..wif no one hu cares bout u..i feel like a zombie..aready my soul is lost..al thr is left is the body tht is jux waiting for its end..for the tyme to end whn she don hav to walk anymore, nt alone anymore..
Sunday, December 27, 2009
okay..its 12.27 and im nt yet slpin..maybe soon bahs.. i did smth i tot i wouldn do..which is kinda weird, coz i noe afew people wil be stunned bahs.. anw, xmas was 2 days ago and it was jux another day for me..except tat went pulau ubin cycle, past by e path we walked to npcc campsite on anco..lol..missed anco..then went prawn fishin at geylang area..tat was fun, like totally..omg! and we went again today..haha..i kinda noe how to fish for a prawn le..haha, anyone wan go prawn-fishin wif me? haha, im serious wor.. anw, orientation is kilin me..BIG TYME!! like oh my gosh, thrs so many tings to do..and miss poh ting xin, if u r readin, im nt complainin..jux writin..haha.. ok..endin post here..pix wil be up in fb in e nxt couple days..
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
im effing stressed up!!
aint gg to elaborate much other than e fact tat for once in my entire life, i feel so stressed up im gg gaga..nt even exams stressed me up liddat..for once, i regretted joinin my cca..but whining aint gg to help..lets jux pray tat no more problems is gg to occur..07, pls do ur jobs k? orientation CANNOT go wrong..thanks..
a super short post to save my dead blog..bac to orientation suff:(
Thursday, December 17, 2009
okay..a few days since i blogged..this shld be quite a long post..
sun went to sentosa for sj outin..waited for some people for like 1 hr..best ting is 1 person stil say she wished she didn come..bloody hell, we waited for u so long then u say this..anw..went siloso beach, was quite fun..spent most of e tyme in e sea..and and, i got stung by jellyfish..lol! haha, waited for rhon, shar and huilin to bring e cake and di siao js..don blame us hor..and hoped u enjoyed ur bday surprise..went pastamania makan and nabil found out his tings were stolen..damn huever stole it..lac squady, 07 wil help u dig tat culprit out..and he or she wil nt hav a gud endin..
mon went for class chalet..kinda dumb for e class outin when oni 8 people turned up..lol! but still it was fun...aft checked in, went to buy bbq stuff..haha..super budget and typical aunties and uncles buyin e food..rofl! then e rest of people came and bbq started..ntb tried to act clever and we asked him start fire himself..in e end, kena jack..haha..don act smart...aft bbq went walk wif jaslin and some guys..to be honest, i was quite afraid..like it was dark and quiet..lucky nt i 1 person or i cfm scared until cry..lol! aft tat sat at e breakwater and slacked..was veri coolin and wats more beside us got live show..haha..stupid guys purposely choose thr go di siao..played some hand games..piang! wake me up immediately..pain sia.. sad u werent thr..
tues people went hm early coz of cca or peer tutorin..left me, jaslin and 4 guys waitin to check out and return e bbq pit..4 guys damn diao sia..1 person take 1 bed..me and jaslin slp on e floor..lol! so ungentleman..but anw, woke them up at 9 and checked out..went arcade a while and makan wif jas..went tiong and meet mummy for lunch..sianz..recieved a sms say platoon bbq postponed nxt yr.haiz..
wed nth much and today..went to rebond my hair..i lurve it man!! haha..
wat e hel la!! forever bias..for god sake..im 15 and i don even hav freedom tat a 13 yr old hav..i don oways go out..i jux went out 3 continuous day and i wanna go out aft a day of rest oso cannot? wat kind of crap ur giv me..wat i tis hol nv stay at hm..don anyhw say..i nt go out..i got cca, sch and everythin..damn it man! forever askin us nt to compare wif people beta than us, compare wif people worse than us..fine..nw i compare within ourselves..ur 4eva ask me to nt compare wif him but wat ur are doing is jux plain BIAS! so he cn go 4 his x-country, cn go out wif frens, cn go buy shoes, play badminton..wat bout me? sj, sch and i jux wanna go out wif frens and u lecture me..wtf la! iif u don like me spent ur money..let me go work lor..i don nid to oways c u scold me, cal me names..im stil a human..hav u ever said those tings to him? ever since i was born, all e attention..EVERYTHING is around him..wat bout me? so wat if hes a boy? thn arent i a human? he jux sec 1 and e no. of tymes he go out is more than i ever went out..y? muz u be so bloody unfair? and wat? i cnt giv attitude coz im unhappy and ur cn scold me all ur wan.. GOD..y bring me to this world?
Friday, December 11, 2009
i guess it did help..at least for this 2 days its stil okay..i hope it wil get beta and beta, nt vice-versa..anw, today was in a beta mood..other than e fact that i was being disturbed super many tymes fr 7 till e tyme i was supposed to woke up..zzz when hq for trainin..which was kinda dumb cox e hall was occupied..aft 2 hrs, went bac wif rhon, jon and js to sch and finish hangin e banners..omg!! i lurve lurve e art work we done..lol! e effect wif spray paint was jux.. W-O-W..like cool man! aft tat went eat at tiong and bought damn stupid tings..but it was fun..sun cfm gg sentosa! woots~~ walked hm and painted my nails yellow..looked weird at first..but its oni gonna be on my nails for 2 days..aft gg sentosa, im gonna change colour..haha..i mean, yellow is e brightest and most ''cheerful & happy'' colour..so ya..who cares anw.lol! cnt wait for activities comin up..and, tmrw gg cousin bday celebration..same age cousin, but stil younger than me..haha..
Thursday, December 10, 2009
i jus realise what an irresponsible bunch of people ur r..i mean wateva ur do is all nt planned and everitin seems to be cancelled at e last min..when ur get us all prepared, excited for e tings ur said is gonna happen, oni to cancell it out last min..everytyme tok bout responsibility and sense of urgency..then may i ask, wat the hell r ur doin? r ur leadin an example? excuses are easy to find and okay, maybe people will take ur excuses..but aft a while, all excuses jux point to ur being irresponsible people..don oways put e blame on people and nv carry out wat ur said ur will do..its not e first tyme..if ur cn do tis kind of ting, then so cn we..punishin people is wat ur are gud at..but when ur do mistake, when ur don mean wat ur say..who is thr to punish ur? lead by example..a phrase ur oways say..but are ur doing it? by now..its effing obvious hu im tokin bout..ur cn dislike me..ur cn say all i noe is to complain..but i don care wat ur tink..i don care wat people tink...fine, im a gal hu oni noe how to complain bout my unhappiness of everythin, especially ur..SO WAT? i do not hav to look or care bout wat ur tink of me...coz i don nid irresponsible people to judge me..i am hu i am, i say wat im unhappy wif..cox im being me..i don deny i make mistake..but i dare to say i hav responsibility, at least enough responsibility to carry out wat i say i wil do.. and fyi, im tokin bout more than 1 person..i hope ur noe hu u are..but it doesn matter..coz irresponsible people r still wat ur r..
a text! is all i wan..but its like.. anw, yesterday i couldn slp..lyin in bed, tossing and turnin..jux waiting..until i couldn bear it and i asked..oni to find out tat i was wrong, u didn even bother did u? N called me and ya, he and kor told me tat i shld tel hw i feel..debated wif myself for a long tyme..i was afraid..but aft i sent it out..i felt beta..at least u knew..finally slept..but i keep wakin up..checkin for text.wonderin hw u wil reply..as e tyme pass, i got more disappointed and sad.. until u text me..u didn reply to my previous text and i duno hw u feel bout it.. at least u text me when u woke up..but it was short..i reali jux wan u to care for me.. so we didn msg for like 2 hrs plus..waitin for ur nxt text..wonderin if it wil come..e waitin game sux..totally. i kux hope for e best..i told u all i felt but u don seem to hav any reaction..it hurts, badly..
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
okay..so i hav NO idea how to tell my dad ltr on..wat shld i do? plan: sun- sj outin mon&tues-chalet wed-flag day& BBQ no big deal to most of ur..but a BIG deal to me..especially when u got no freedom..so, i hav no damn idea how to tell my dad..cfm will kena scolded like hell de..but i hoped he let me go man!! pls pls..*cross fingers*
anw, went to sch today to hang up banners..and 1 of e damn banner the paint came off!! and we ran out of spray paint! OMG! mux go bac spray anfd hang up again..aft tat went to mac for lunch wif puiyee..and we talked bout our future dreams..and i talked bout me being a vet..and here comes e damn funny part i tink e convo was liddat:
A: so i already planned my route..blah blah blah actually i wanted to be a vet than coz of some reasons i wanted to be a animal-keeper, than a vet now again.. P: wa..u like animals alot? A: duh? u my darlin, u dono? i like spiders, the big ones.. P: stunned... A: oh, i also liked snakes..basically i liked all animals.. P: wth? (stunned more)
the damn weird part was like this guy sitting beside us and when he heard what i said he was like...he had tat "is this even a gal' look? LOL! like tat was so funni and puiyee didn notice..haha..
overall, today is nt too bad compared to the past few days..although i still got pissed and sry to my 4 squady that i shouted alot at..PMS ar..lol..jux get pissed off veri easily today(actually for the past few days too)..
im glad and surprised u actually cn do it..like u noe, u r always 1 hu cares too much bout how people tink of u..but still, im proud of u that u r determined this tyme..jiayous..i stil cnt believe u threw everytin away..like wth? but ya, now is all bout muggin..jux noe tat u wil oways hav this fren to support u:) haha..anw, remember our plan k? nxt yr gonna mug like siao and e meet-ups..hope we both get wat we wan..would be damn gud if we actually get our goals..JIAYOU!
Monday, December 7, 2009
this few days is jux nt my days..lets start with sat..
morning i went to sch for dance practice and i got super pissed..people are late and i feel we are totally wasting tyme..i gav attitude and all...but by the end of trainin, we produced nt bad results..so i guess thats kinda a gud ting..then chiong hm changed and went to opp GESS for fall-in.kena pissed by juniors..like wtf cn? i jux cant take the anger..i almost scream over the phone..for god sake, hav some responsibility cn?? aft tat was ZPN, it was okay and kinda good..but aft tat a bomb had to drop..45th is cancelled! (thr wil be quite a lot of unpleasant words, so don read..i jux wanna vent my anger) i mean like we effing train so hard and aft all the hard work, all we got was a cancelled event? wth man! Y even ask us to prepare when ur noe it might be cancelled..its nt about the money that we spent on the attire..its bout the attitude and damn responsibility..ur don noe the tyme and effing effort we put in for the damn dance..okay, i cnt blame ur, its the damn P and FROG we cnt giv ur a venue..but couldn ur hav told us b4 tat? damn it, i sound so complain gal, but i don care..its nt realli fair isnt it? if sry cn be okay for everythin..i cn make all mistake and jus say sry..oh, hw i wished it was tat gud..but it isnt..bloody hell man!! and to top it all, my specs came unscrewed and my mum got pissed at me..wtf is wrong man? its jux nt my day..
okay, then sun..which was yesterday..my mum gt pissed at me..i got fed-up at alot of tings and i had a few unpleasant news..worse of all, i foolishly waited till 12plus for jux a damn text that didn come..even till now..anw, i jux told myself that by tonite, if there isnt a text, iits the end..i am super nt in a gud mood now..and tmrw still got sj banner hangin..im seriously reluctant to go..i dowan to hav anitin to do wif sj for the tyme being, but i hav to..damn it man!
im bored to death at hm..nth to do, my mind keep wandering..and the best ting is, i feel like im gonna break down any moment..no one understands hw i effing feel...forget it man! maybe i shld jux giv up on everythin and giv nth a damn.
Friday, December 4, 2009
went bugis wif nabil, puiyee and jon today..haha..spent like close to 4 hrs there jux to find all our attire..LOL! i bought a blazer..looks nt too bad..hope tat i wont look weird bahs..hmm, puiyee bought a vest and a shirt..nabil bought a vest and shirt too..jon oni bought a vest..zzz..anw, damn puiyee..make me so heart pain..but still quality difference bahs..me and nabil sad sad lor..
haiz..tmrw got dance practice in the mornin..then chiong hm and change go bac sch for zpn..don feel like gg sia..js and jace clever lor..both go overseas enjoy..haha..cn don go zpn hor?! lol...8 more days to 45th le..hope tat day we cn giv a gud gud performance..don gabra *cross fingers*..
yesterday was fun...i realli hope u wont leave me..im scared to be hurt again..hope for the best
stay here and do tagged..^^
It's Amanda aka Venomous Gal
5 nov '94, scorpio
Gan Eng Seng School
feel free to add me, i wont bite:D